In a time, not long ago there was a strong and resilient woman. They say she was chaotic as much as she was magnificent and her soul was ruled by the stars, moon, earth, and her hearts wild dreaming.

Those who said they knew her, truly didn't, for she kept a piece of herself locked away -- this was hers, she’d say and for no one else. She felt she knew all there was to know about her life, her direction and what she deserved.

One day, she decided she wanted the Mountain Man who lived within the hut, to vacate immediately.

He was always grumbling for more, never cleaned up after himself, and demanded his wild woman to remain put, to be the good mother, to walk willingly into her birds cage and be silent.

She had run many miles with Fox to know better than to back herself into a cage. This brute of a man gave her the most sacred gift of becoming a mother, it's true, but he failed to understand the strength of a wild radiant fox woman. She had done this dance before and was not about to let him lead.

She stomped her foot down and pointed to the door, "Now, you must go!" She hissed and turned her back vowing never to look into his eyes. He held his hands out and begged for mercy. Just as he was about to throw himself down at her feet a knock -- Rap a tap tap!

Someone was at the door.

Of course, she thought, a timely interruption that would delay this fateful day... she moved to open the door and standing in the moonlit night was the Spirit of Shadows. "What now Spirit?" She demanded, "You always come at a time when my resolve for freedom has been decided, will you not let me proceed?"

Spirit leaned in close and whispered into her ear. Just a few words and just a few words were enough before he turned and left. She stood in the doorway silent. No words found their way to the tip of her tongue. She could only stand there stunned and motionless.

After a short time, yet long enough, she stepped back into her hut and shut the door. Everything within her and around her had now changed. It would never be the same. She looked vacantly into the shadows of the room. She let her thoughts find their way and then all at once she knew what had to be done.

She quickly packed up a few things, a small bundle that would sustain her for however long she needed. Her medicine bundle of herbs, a drum, the medicine songs, and a candle. She pulled a cloak of moss and river water over her shoulders and pulled up the hood. In an instant, she disappeared.

Her journey took her far and wide along the edges of the darkest dark. Some would cringe to peer upon such a vast crevasse of nothingness, yet there was nothing more important than this quest. Step after step, digging her staff deep into the earth's landscapes, she willed herself forward until she crossed over into a void.

She kneeled down and noticed a pool of water begin to circle around her and it whispered, "drink." She let her hand pool the cool water into her hand and sipped. She let out a small yelp as she noticed the water was warm and sent electric tingles through her body. She sipped again. Again the waters burst within her. In the vast nothing of this void she herd something. Soft at first, a faint whoosh whoosh and then a gu-gunk. Then louder... gu gunk, gu gunk, GU GUNK!

As it got louder she realized it was coming from within. It was her heart beating. It was her heart speaking to her. She laid down on her side and curled in.

“Just listen,” she heard her heart say. Just listen. And she did. For a great time she listened in wonder. It told her everything she needed to know. It told her the secrets of her life and why she was there now. It gave her roadmaps and medicine, journeys and artifacts from yester-years long ago. It gave her hope.

She took a deep inhale

and all at once, these radiant medicines swirled up and into her throat and down into her belly - KUR PLUNK.

They landed. Right into the fabric of her bones, her cells, her tissue, it all landed deep within. She gazed out and noticed the void was no longer a dark nothingness but a beautiful earth swept landscape of the most brilliant colours and sounds she had ever breathed in and feasted eyes on.

"Now, go plant your magic," said her heart. She looked down into the palm of her hand and noticed a small pouch that shone like the moon. Inside were tiny seeds. Tears streamed down her face as she realized that everything she ever wanted was always available to her. That all she had to do was create from the dream without attachment to the illusions that misguided her. Each of these seeds would be part of her new story, her new creations and it would weave love and compassion back into the world.

She began her long journey home and planted each seed. With each seed planted, she gave it a prayer and blessed it with her love. All the way back home. All the way back to the doorway of the hut. She approached embodied with the most magnificent light. The brightest light from the far reaches of all the Universe was within her. Those inside could not but notice the brilliant light streaming in from the outside.

Mountain man burst open the door and gazed upon this beautiful creature who felt familiar yet was different. He kneeled down before her and placed her warm and glowing hand upon his cheek and asked how he could walk with beauty by her side? She pulled him up and whispered, "You already are."

None of what happened before mattered in that moment because all of what was feeding her before was an illusion of someone else's creation. She knew better now after such a long walk in the darkness and could see that they, together, had the power to walk in beauty upon this life. They would learn how to cherish and honour their wild souls. The man who carried the spirit of the mountains in his heart and the woman who carried the spirit of fox, gazed upon each other with new radiant love and contentment. As though, seeing each other for the first time without masks and cages.

"Here you are, here you've always been." She said, "And so we shall make a life of beauty together, shall we?" She took his hand and together they walked out into the landscape of light, colour, and sprouting magical seeds now unfurling from the earth.

She took his hand and placed an object inside. It was a locket in the shape of a heart. "I'm ok to share this with you now," she said. It was the piece of her heart she kept hidden away and now a gift. The most powerful seed she had left that now could grow into the most magnificent creation yet to come.

- the end -

A year ago today,

I received news that my father had a blockage in his bile duct and a small cancerous tumor on his pancreas. Knowing everything was going to change I turned inward to get clear and honest with myself.

I began to reflect on how I was living my life and how I was tending to my relationship with my partner. Our hearts were very broken and we had lost each other to the many illusions of life.

I had no control over what was going to happen now yet I could control my own actions and responses. I found myself asking, how are you contributing to the things in your life you love or don’t love? The answers were hard to face and I went into the darkest shadows when I realized, I wasn’t. I wasn't sharing the deepest part of me with those I loved. Instead I was pushing them away because of fear.

I began a practice that devoted space and time to my old hurts and finally was able to give myself over to the will of Spirit and my heart desires. It brought me back into a balance that felt liberating and peaceful.

What happened next was my partner (who I thought could never change) shifted -- he kneeled down before me and gave me the part of his heart I was wanting to touch and I gave him mine. We healed and vowed to honour our unique and beautiful souls.

It was the elixir I needed and I invited his mountain spirit to hold me while I walked my journey with grief, death, and the transition of my father. My dad left me with so much and I believe he gifted me in the sacrifice of this physical life, the ability to heal my relationship. Something he was not able to do in his own life with my mother. I am grateful today as I reflect on everything and harvest the medicine of this story and the gifts that continue to be given from my dad.

A woman cloaked in moss & river water